Top Ten Unprofessional TV Professionals

posted by RedTimbre
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The workplace can be dull place, full of droll, tired cliches like, "Hey Bill, you working hard, or hardly working?"  Surely Dilbert or Peter from Office Space has heard every one ad nauseum.  But there are some who defy predictability and fit into the 'hardly working' category, as their dysfuction is a direct hinderance to their profession.  While ordinarily it'd make a good reason to fire someone, sometimes this dysfunction produces results.  Namely: good T.V.  Accordingly, here are ten 'professionals' (from T.V.) who don't know the meaning of the term.

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by RedTimbre - 7/9/2012 06:38 PM
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Donald Draper doesn't know how to keep business and pleasure separate, so instead he mixes them together like a cocktail (usually an Old-Fashioned).  He does pour way too much of himself into his work, much to the suffering and ultimate collapse of his home life.  But in the name of winning over clients, and getting a 'leg up' in the competition, he doesn't hesitant to shower them in sex, booze, and fine dining--the sex, of course, a personal contribution should the client be female.  But Don isn't alone; it all seems to be the very nature of a business which readily endorses inter-office indecency, drinking and smoking on the job, and misogyny at all costs.

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by RedTimbre - 7/9/2012 06:29 PM
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Michael Scott--according to his own credo--is a comedian first, and a boss second.  That shows in his utter lack of professionalism, maturity, and decency around the office.  His jokes always border on being offensive to the point of being grounds for a lawsuit.  He is insensitive and out of touch when it comes to race, sexual orientation, gender, and personal privacy, which is why his archnemesis in the office is without question the H.R. guy Toby Flenderson, who seems the only one not to be affected by Michael's sheer disrespectfulness.  In spite of his overt lack of qualification for the job, it is his branch that makes all the necessary numbers and avoids impedding downsizing time and again. Although this is for no reason Michael Scott could explain.  Better try asking 'Prison Mike.' 

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by RedTimbre - 7/9/2012 06:32 PM
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On his nightly 'news' program The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert plays a character named Stephen Colbert; that is Stephen Colbert playing a self-parodying caricature of every ill-informed, dogmatic, demagogical, and radically-conservative TV personality on Fox News, from Bill O'Reilly to Glenn Beck.  While never attacking them directly, his blatant self-pandering and fact-twisting ignorance, steeped in a completely visible irony, lets you know just who he's ripping on.

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by RedTimbre - 7/9/2012 06:30 PM
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Gregory House should allowed to treat patients, yet he is.  In every episode, we see him taking huge, life-or-death risks on patients on the premise of some dream or epiphany he had, which usually (but not always) ends up working out for the best.  He may be lauded for his brilliant, puzzle-solving mind, but he should be condemned for his absolute ethical disregard and offensive character, not to mention his hefty painkiller-addiction, which he feeds via his own ability to write prescriptions.

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by RedTimbre - 7/9/2012 06:29 PM
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Monk, who suffers from OCD and an exhorbitant number of irrational phobias (e.g. milk), used to be a detective.  And those are exactly what stops him from returning to his former post.  That and his frequent 'psychotic breaks' (as his 5+day/week psychiatrist calls them), the result of his inability to cope with the loss of his wife (she was killed by a car bomb).  But that doesn't stop him from working with the force as a consultant, in fact it drives him.  While his OCD attention to detail make him a brilliant detective, likened to a modern Sherlock Holmes, his perpetual reeling from his wife's murder drives him to put an end to all the wrong in the world, one homicidal crime scene at a time.  All the while, however, his peculiarities and disabling fears far too often inhibit or compromise his criminal pursuits; that is, until his brain zeroes in on the next crooked picture frame.

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by RedTimbre - 7/9/2012 07:22 PM
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Like a overgrown teenager in Men's formalwear, George Christopher is highly impulsive and easily influenced. He loves to go on little adventures with the much younger Jonathon Ames, who fancies himself a private investigator, his qualifications only existing in the form of the romantically-noirish novels he reads.  While he presents himself as a father figure for Ames, he also comes off as a younger brother figure, smoking pot and having promiscuous sex because it makes him feel much younger than he is.  While Christopher is also the editor for a magazine in which he regrets not abusing his media presence and using it as a platform for his immaturity (he slings infactual insults at his archnemesis, who happens to be courting his ex-wife, whom he ultimately has an affair with).  A revealing moment comes when the magazine mandates company-wide drug-testing, and he scrounges around for some clean urine to borrow.

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by RedTimbre - 7/9/2012 06:31 PM
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The quintessential surly government worker, Ron Swanson hates his job as the director of parks and recreation.  This is much in opposition to his impassioned subordinate Leslie Knope.  Swanson, while never working to sabotage her spirits or efforts, does have an equally-apathetic secretary whom he hired for just how terrible she is at her job, which is to direct calls to and schedule meetings for him.  He instructs her to make it so he doesn't have to talk to anybody.  Aside from his affections for needless red tape, Ron is also the manliest sort of mustache-having, meat-eating, hunting-and-gathering, strong, silent-type of man 'working' in local government.

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by RedTimbre - 7/9/2012 06:44 PM
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Newman takes his government-issued XL uniform with equal parts pride, mischief, distrust, negligence, contempt, as well as a deluded sense of authority.  As Jerry's meddling nemesis in a show all about personality quirks (i.e. Seinfeld), he thinks his position within the post office is equal to that of god himself--as he says with a devious smirk, "When you control the mail, you control information."  That irrational entitlement--("Any packages that arrive at the Post Office with damaged, unreadable, or missing address labels are considered "freebies"; postal workers are thus free to help themselves to the packages' contents.")--does, however, seem to mask the utter contempt he does have for the job, as he loathes the unrelenting nature of the mail, especially on 'Publisher's Clearing House' day.

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by RedTimbre - 7/9/2012 07:06 PM
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Justice gives this agent a raging hard-on;  just look at the big, erected grin on his face whenever he's about to bust a perp.  From the show Breaking Bad, DEA agent Hank Schrader is all too willing to ambiguate the lines of legality in his Wile E. Coyote-like efforts to nail the elusive drug lord who goes by the name 'Heisenburg.'  Little does he suspect, Heisenberg is his seemingly innocuous brother-in-law Walt.  

Now why wasn't Walter White, of all characters in the show, selected over Hank?  After all, he was a high school chemistry teacher, the foundation and lab equipment of which kicked off his amateur meth-production pursuits?  Well, his teaching and synthetic drug-making only coincided for a few seasons before he decided to work full-time for the cartel, at which time he was arguably the most responsible employee that could be found.  That is up until he starting picking-off his coworkers in desperation and paranoia-fueled bouts of self-preservation.

Hank, on the other hand, has been the least prone to compromise.  Aside from being an insensitive hardass, he maneuvers around the confines of the law without a moment's hesitation--trespassing on private property, assaulting a suspect (Walt's former student and hot-tempered business partner Jessie Pinkman), which resulted in his suspension--all for a case he's become way too obsessed over.  Meanwhile, his kleptomaniacal wife always gets off the hook so long as he has anything to do with it.

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by RedTimbre - 7/9/2012 06:34 PM
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In the show Californication, Charlie Runkle (played by Evan Handler) is author Hank Moody's agent.  As well as a huge conflict of interest.  An overt sex addict and all around irresponsible handler of Moody's career interests.  For instance, he was fired from one agency for reasons of chronic masturbation (cue the video tape compiling his best-of moments); that is to say, he was too focused on the wrong sorts of climaxes.  He has several times mucked up career opportunities for Moody and even represented a literary rival.  Perversion and negligence well aside, Runkle makes a much better friend and 'bro-mosexual' (Hank's words) than he does an agent in Moody's best interest.

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